


A Light in the Darkness

by Abarero



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: F/F, Game Spoilers, Lightside Revan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-29 06:16:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5118305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abarero/pseuds/Abarero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Juhani was uncertain about many things in her life, but this was not one of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [weakinteraction](https://archiveofourown.org/users/weakinteraction/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Until the Revan-reveal, Revan is going by the name Renata in this story. It's a name that means "reborn" which I felt was fitting. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it. It gave me a chance to revisit one of my all-time favorite video game pairs.

 

 

_**There is no emotion, there is peace.** _

 

“ _I don't hold anger towards you Juhani, I wish you peace.”_

 

The words continued to reverberate in Juhani's mind, a balm over the chaos of emotions spiraling through her. How could this woman, this stranger, somehow turn her life around? How could she be so kind to a wild and angry Cathar who had threatened and made obvious intent to kill her? So many questions yet the answer seemed so easy. Because she was at peace, because she was good, because she was _light._

 

Juhani had met many humans, but only a few had ever impacted her like this. And only one other before had seemingly glowed with the Force, paragon of all that the Jedi hoped to embody. Juhani hoped that this Jedi would stay her course. The Council seemed to have faith, and a surprising amount of it, in their new Padawan. “ _Enough that they are even burdening her with me,”_ she thought remorsefully before shaking her head of it. “ _No, I must not think that I am a burden, she has already forgiven me. They all have given me this chance, to aide her on her journey. I must not be a burden, I must strive to be as she is. A true Jedi, strong and beautiful, with the Force.”_

 

“Uh...Juhani, right?” The young twi'lek startled her from her thoughts as she stuck her head into the storage bay Juhani had holed up in. “I'm sorry about the delay, but it seems like we're still trying to figure out which bed is for who. Carth offered to sleep in the cockpit and Zaalbar said he's too big for the bed anyways, but it's not right to make you sleep with the boys. Bastila said we all need proper rest and then went on and on about how improper rest leads to crankiness and before we knew it she was lecturing us about the dark side again. I might have slipped out without her noticing.” Mission offered an awkward smile.

 

“I don't wish to make trouble for your friends. If needed I can sleep here. It is at least warmer than the grove was.”

 

Mission winced. “Look, you ain't gotta think about that stuff anymore, okay? Renata ain't gonna make you sleep on the floor. She'll get those idiots to figure it out.”

 

Juhani allowed herself a rare smile. It was nice to be around people again, especially the lively crew of the Ebon Hawk. Something about the constant chatter really helped her push her negative feelings of self-doubt down.

 

“Is Renata still on the receiving end of a lecture then?”

 

“That's what Bastila thinks, at least.”

 

The blur of blue robes was all Juhani saw of Renata before the Jedi was behind her, sheepish smile on her face as she exchanged a wink with Mission.

 

“Padawan, what are you doing?!” Juhani exclaimed, the others quickly shushing her outburst. “Sorry, I'm just a little shocked to see this behavior from you of all people.”

 

She sighed, the tension in her shoulders leaving as she exhaled.

 

“Ah, sorry. I know you and Bastila take this Jedi thing pretty seriously.” She ran a hand up through her bangs, her eyes sparkling with an emotion Juhani couldn't quite place. “It's just...well, life's too short to spend it all being _that_ uptight. You need to loosen up a little, enjoy these brief times when we can let our guard down a little and well...be ourselves. As much as I think Bastila and some of the Council don't want to admit it, there's no harm in having fun.”

 

Mission nodded sagely. “Ain't nothing wrong with having a little fun now and then.”

 

“Plus, it helps improvise in tough situations. Don't let Bastila know I told you, but...let's just say I had to rescue her by winning a swoop race and she was not happy about it at all.”

 

Juhani's eyes widened. So much for her image of a graceful and posed Jedi; this one was more scoundrel than Padawan! And yet...

 

She narrowed her eyes. The aura that she felt emanating in the Force from Renata was if anything brighter and warmer now than before.

 

“You are a strange one, Padawan.”

 

“Renata,” she clarified. “Formalities might be good for formal situations, but here on this ship we are just friends all on a journey together, okay?”

 

“R-Renata?” Juhani tested. She felt her cheeks burn with awkwardness and she darted her eyes away. “It may take some getting used to.”

 

A gentle hand on her shoulder drew her attention back. “That's okay. We can work on it. It'll be nice to have you to train with, Juhani. I'm sure you've got a lot you can teach me.”

 

“...I highly doubt that,” she murmured, her eyes downcast. “You are most talented for one so new to the ways, even the Council saw that you have great potential. If anything, it is I that will have to learn from you. I, who have fallen, certainly have much to learn.”

 

She wasn't sure when Renata's hand had darted down, but suddenly she felt her long fingers slowly uncurling the fist at her side.

 

“Peace, Juhani. It is not a war we should wage between us.” She gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Believe in yourself. You are more than you think you are. And if you do not think it so, then believe that I can see so much potential in you as well. There is much each of us can teach each other if we are only open to the thought. You will be a great Jedi, I know it.”

 

Those final words, those _same_ words the Jedi that had been passing through Taris had once told her many years ago, brought such a calm upon her she was momentarily stunned.

 

“I...Thank you, Padawan. I hope to live up to your faith in me.”

 

Renata smiled. “You will. I know you will.”

 

A sharp trill and whistle snapped the two out of their conversation as T3 came rolling up to Mission and beeped out a series of noises before rolling off down the hall.

 

Mission gave the two Jedi a smile. “Little guy says we should have something to make a hammock from. Guess that solves our sleeping arrangements. I'm going to go help put it together because I'm sure it'll be way more comfortable than sleeping beside a certain _someone and their snoring_.”

 

Renata moved to follow her down the hall. “Hey now, we can't all be perfect like Bastila, okay?”

 

“Well you should try harder on this one!”

 

“Oh? Like someone should sleep without their brain-tails flopping over into my bed?”

 

“Serves you right for making the engine sound quiet!”

 

As the two voices and the accompanying laughter moved further away, Juhani took one last look around the small room. Even with the chance of a snoring roommate, something about joining the others seemed far more appealing than a lone night amongst the storage.

 

“ _For so long I thought that to find true peace, I needed solitude. How wrong it seems I've been.”_

 

And feeling more at peace than she had in quite some time, Juhani made her way across the ship to where the others were waiting for her.


	2. Chapter 2

**_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._ **

 

_“But it is so hard to lose your entire past. You would not understand.”_

 

Perhaps she had been too shocked at the time to register the weight of the words. To find out that Juhani too had lost her home when Taris fell, to once again feel the weight of failure wash over her that she had let another down. She'd brushed it aside then, too focused on trying to make amends with Juhani, to make sure that she was able to restore calm to the upset that she had inadvertently caused.

 

But now, with Juhani finding a way to forgive and move forward, the words came back to her and haunted her. Renata knew something was off about her memories- things Bastila or others said just registering in a way that made her feel like there should be something in her brain about this but she always came up blank.

 

Or worst of all, those sickening moments when suddenly she felt the urge to persuade someone to do something horrible when she tried to convince them of something. “ _Just because HK-47 thinks everything should end in bloodshed really doesn't mean I need to be thinking the same way.”_

 

Renata sighed and shifted again in the small gunnery compartment. It had been awhile since the last Sith fighter flew by, but in hopes to have some moments of quiet to herself, she'd offered to stay in the small turret bay to monitor, and if need be fire the guns again.

 

The more Juhani and some of the others had opened up about their rough pasts the more Renata realized how little she seemed to recall of her own. It was all fuzzy, and it left her uncertain how much of it was real memories and how much were just vivid dreams. She'd had so many strange dreams lately after all...

 

Some of them Bastila shared, and she wasn't sure if that made things better or worse. But others, she didn't. Sometimes she'd rush to ask her what something in a dream meant only to be met with Bastila's perplexed stare that somehow felt like it was looking through her.

 

As comforting as the strange collective of the Ebon Hawk made her feel, at times she felt like she was still an outsider somehow. There were so many conversations Carth and Bastila seemed to be having about Republic matters that came to abrupt halt when she drew near. Canderous would look at her in the same way he sized up enemies, odd looks that almost made her feel like he was somehow intimidated by her, which was just downright crazy. Somehow it was only amongst the non-humanoid members of the crew that she found she was more at ease. Well, except for HK, but she was pretty sure he made most normal people uneasy with his rather interesting personality.

 

It just seemed like for every answer Renata got, five more were withheld. The dreams, the conversations, every single question just led to a whole tree worth of _more_ questions. It was frustrating at best and infuriating at worst. It was the later that scared her most.

 

She'd asked Juhani about her fall to the dark side and sometimes Renata wondered if that's what that feeling was. Those moments she just wanted to scream, yell or throw someone across the room in rage. It was like a red beast welling up inside her and trying to consume all the goodness within only to leave bitterness and hate in its wake.

 

And the scary part was how easy she felt it would be for that monster to win.

 

“Are you still up there?”

 

Juhani's measured voice snapped her from her soul searching and she shifted over in the small compartment before turning and offering what she hoped was a neutral smile.

 

“Hey Juhani, come on up! The stars are beautiful tonight.”

 

The request seemed to surprise her, but a moment's pause and she slowly crawled up into the space next to her.

 

“These are rather tight quarters for a conversation, Padawan.”

 

“Call me Renata.” The reminder was almost habit by now. “Okay, so it's cramped; but it's worth it for the view! Well, the Sith-fighter-free view at least.”

 

Juhani hid a laugh in her smile. “Always the optimist one, aren't you?”

 

Renata laughed, praying that it wasn't too forced. “Someone has to be.”

 

The hand on her shoulder startled her, but not as much as following the arm up to realize Juhani was face to face with her, eyes blazing with intent.

 

“Juhani...”

 

“Please. I know the fight is hard, I know....far too well how easy it is to be incensed about matters. But please, for me, stay. Stay on the path of the Jedi, with me. Will you try? For me?"

 

Renata's mouth went dry and she felt the prickle of tears that threatened to fall. The others probably hadn't noticed, but Juhani saw right through to her soul. She knew the truth she tried so desperately to hide.

 

And knowing that this knowledge was shared suddenly made the burden much lighter.

 

“Thank you.” She breathed, her whole being letting its carefully aligned facade shatter as she leaned into Juhani's arms, her own arms wrapping around her. “I didn't want to bother you with my troubles, but it seems I already have.”

 

Her voice was muffled against Juhani's collar and at first she was uncertain if she heard. Finally, after a measured breath, she replied.

 

“It is never a trouble with you. You have done so much to keep me on my path, it seems only fair I attempt to return the favor.”

 

Renata clutched her fist in the fabric of Juhani's robe, her heart racing and her mind a whirl. The Council had sent Juhani as a reminder, but it was more than her simple presence that achieved the goal they sought. She'd been through so much, the whole crew had, and yet here they were all struggling to somehow find the light amidst the dark. All of them in their own ways hid their pain, hid their self-doubt and tried for the sake of the others to move forward. They all had someone they wanted to share a smile with at the end of the day.

 

“What would I do without you, Juhani?” She murmured; and on hearing the sharp intake of breath and knowing a retort was incoming, Renata continued. “And before you try, no- I couldn't do it without you. It seems, somehow...I've come to rely on you a lot. Heh, I'm not even sure you've noticed, but you're always there beside me, watching my back both in the midst of battle and at rest. I know the others try in their own ways, but...you are the one I listen to at the end of the day when I'm tired and really want to chuck someone out the airlock for being an asshole.”

 

Juhani huffed out a laugh and only then did Renata realize how close they were. She had shifted almost into Juhani's lap, her arms around her back with one brushing where her neckline met her collar. For Juhani's part, she had gone from a simple hand atop her shoulder to resting her arms loosely about her waist.

 

Renata buried her face under Juhani's chin in hopes she wouldn't notice how red she was certain her face had just become.

 

“J-Just...thank you, okay? From the bottom of my heart, I want you to know that you are very important.” ... _to me_. She bit back the last words, not wanting to let her words get ahead of her brain anymore than they already had.

 

The arms about her waist drew slightly closer. “I am...deeply touched to hear that, Renata.”

 

“Ah!” She jerked up and almost smacked her head on the glass above them. “You did it!”

 

Looking somewhat disheveled and rather flummoxed, Juhani blinked. “W-What?”

 

“My name! Aha, I finally got you to use it without me telling you to!”

 

And maybe it was the starlight or the smack of her head against the glass, but Juhani's expression as she blushed and attempted hide it in a cough was one of the most beautiful things Renata had ever seen. The knowledge that it was a special sight they'd shared alone together only making it more so.

 


	3. Chapter 3

_**There is no passion, there is serenity.** _

 

"That man was a beast. A monster! I am glad the galaxy is now rid of him so he may not harm others again. I do regret, though, that he did not die by my hand."

 

Renata sighed, her blood still racing with what she was certain was only half the fury Juhani was feeling.“What you did was best.”

 

“Why must I always feel the lure of the dark side?” She scolded herself. “It was for the best, I am glad that you stood by my side through this. We should continue our journeys now, no reason for staying here for this.”

 

Juhani started to walk ahead, clearly wanting to push through her feelings and bury it in a well placed lightsaber blade to some Sith scumbag's head.

 

Renata looked back to Jolee, giving him a pointed look while darting her eyes to Juhani's retreating back.

 

“Do something,” he said.

 

“What?”

 

“I don't know, spout some Jedi nonsense or whatever those Council blowhards are preaching these days.”

 

“Jolee, that doesn't help,” she shot back.

 

“What the hell are you asking me for? You know her far better than I and I'm damned well certain you've got at least two braincells in that head to rub together and figure it out. You youngsters can't just get everything handed to you on a silver platter. Go. Make mistakes. Make it better. You'll know what the right thing to do is.”

 

Frustrated, but rather unsurprised that Jolee wouldn't back her up, Renata motioned for him to follow while she went on ahead.

 

The Port Authority, of course, decided this was the perfect time to have a rambling twi'lek with too much to say stop and ask for docking fees. She made small talk as best she could, but she was so upset she only realized after the fact that she was rather forceful in her persuasion to get through.

 

But there was little time to dwell on it when up ahead Juhani had just turned the corner. Between them, a cluster of Academy hopefuls stood before some stuck-up brat lecturing pretentiously. Renata tried her best to quell her temper, but thankfully Jolee was at her shoulder able to snap back at the sniveling idiot before she could.

 

_Be calm, Renata. Be calm._

 

She pushed out the words- words demanding peace, words preaching that killing is bad- when at her core she was still wondering how good it would have felt to let Juhani tear that repulsive slaver in two with her lightsaber.

 

Down the hall now, veering left in hopes that Juhani wasn't far ahead. And of course- of fucking course!- another Sith had to open their fucking stupid mouth!

 

Jolee was there to save her for a moment, but before she could fully compose herself they put her on the spot and it took every last ounce of restraint not to just pull out her lightsaber and run them through.

 

She ended up reciting some groan-worthy joke about Mandaloreans. Jolee was holding back a laugh at her pathetic attempt, but thankfully the idiots started bickering amongst themselves and left. It didn't get any easier from there, and it was just one bitter failure of trying to pretend to go on with the mission when her mind was on anything but it.

 

First it was about spice. Then she had to try and find a way into the academy, which pretty much just resulted in a lot of tongue biting and only somewhat successful attempts to change the hopefuls' minds. And after Yuthura Ban's toxic self-righteous and vainglorious prattle that led to nothing but nagging doubts and a sickening feeling in her gut, Renata was shamefully relieved when some idiot finally toed the line and Jolee let her cross it.

 

They were just kids. Some braggarts blowing off steam after passing their entrance tests. She warned them not to push her... Then nothing but bodies on the ground, and of course, there's that damn medallion they need. Two of them by the time she puts her lightsaber away. She turned back to the ship then, blood boiling.

 

Juhani was back on the Ebon Hawk, having used her stealth to double back. Renata could just about rip her hair out at her own ignorance. _If I had just stopped and thought about what she does when she's upset...Damnit. I'm such an idiot!_

 

She'd hoped to compose herself before approaching, but the moment Juhani's eyes locked with hers she felt compelled to follow her. Everyone else gave them wide berth and Renata wasn't sure if it was her doing or Juhani's that forcefully suggested they keep to themselves.

 

Either way, she finds herself alone with Juhani in the cargo hold moments later.

 

“I fear your attempt to masquerade as a Sith is coming off rather convincing right now.”

 

Renata takes the venom from her words and throws it back at her. “I didn't even know you were trying as well, but you'll surely pass at the rate you're going.”

 

The flash of anger flickers across her eyes as she scoffs. “At least I have a reason. What's your sad excuse?”

 

“I...” She froze. Why was she so angry? Because the Sith? No before that...it was that slaver! All that stress he'd put them under after threatening them on Kashyyk, stress so bad Juhani had shut everyone out for days. Even the one person she was supposed to trust- _her._ And as if Yuthura Ban had known it to be so, she'd put her faith in the Force, put her faith in those tired old morals that the Jedi upheld and denied Juhani the justice and closure she deserved. Renata felt sick as if her whole being was on fire.

 

“I should have let you,” she choked out. “I should have let you kill that bastard for what he did to your family and I didn't, Juhani; I didn't...even though it was the least I could have done for you. I took that from you and I hate myself for it. I hate that I couldn't even help you this one time.”

 

The slap across her face stings less than the words that accompany it. “Who said I was asking for your help?”

 

Dumbstruck she stared at her, hand brushing against her burning cheek.

 

“Would my hand in his death have brought back my parents to me? Brought back my home? Would it take away this burning desire to tear him apart for all that he's done to me?!”

 

Hot tears streamed down her face and Renata found herself at an absolute loss. What could she even say? Were there words in the world to convey what she felt right now?

 

She let the anger rush out of her, as if it was a downpour that she'd stopped abruptly. Clear but not clean, she stepped forward and gently wiped the tears off Juhani's face.

 

“I'm so sorry, Juhani. I shouldn't have gotten involved in your personal affairs. It was wrong of me.”

 

“No,” she said sharply, brushing the hand aside. “It was wrong of you to want to aide me in my fall. If I turn, if become a shell of who I am and stumble in my path again, you _must_ be the one to stop me. Y-You must not hesitate to draw you blade and cut me down, Renata! I am a liability to you and to this mission if you cannot at least protect yourself from me.”

 

“Juhani...”

 

“Promise me, next time you will not hesitate. Please.”

 

“I...I can't do that. Juhani, I...”

 

“Please. Renata, if there is anything in the world that would put my soul at ease it would be to know that you are safe, even from me. Please, promise me this and I shall ask no more of you again.”

 

Slowly, gently, she took Juhani's hand. It's like holding lightning; raw and powerful yet desperately trying to find its way to the ground again. So strong yet so afraid of herself, of what she could do to one simple person. She twined their fingers together, bringing them up to her chest and holding them against her heart.

 

“I will, Juhani. If I cannot stop you with words, I will. I only ask that you can honor me with the same if I should be the one to fall. For I...” She steadied her breath, closing her eyes as she leaned her forehead forward until it brushes against hers. “I would do absolutely anything to keep you safe. Even from me. I need you to be my strength, okay?”

 

Juhani breathed and it was like the storm had suddenly ended, only the remains of their pride and anger pooling as receding puddles on the ground.

 

“I...your strength, are you certain?” She asked, but there was hope in her voice again.

 

“Yes. I would trust no one else.”

 

She felt the smile as it pressed into her neck, Juhani's ponytail brushing her cheek as she embraced her.

 

“Then I am yours, Renata. And you shall be mine. With you holding me, I feel as if I could handle anything the Sith can throw at us.”

 

“You are the light in my darkest hours and I the light in yours. Perhaps it is destined that our paths would cross, that we'd fumble through this mess together and manage to keep each other safe. I'd like to think that, at least.”

 

Juhani stood up and smiled, the smudges of tears on her face long forgotten as a gentle serenity wrapped itself around them.

 

“The future shall be what we make it.”

 

Renata squeezed her hand. “Then let's make it a good one. Together.”


	4. Chapter 4

_**There is no chaos, there is harmony.** _

 

“ _I don't know what's going to happen from here on out, but I have to confess that I've grown to care for you... in a way that I am almost afraid to admit.”_

 

Her whole world had been upturned in a matter of seconds. Her. _Revan_. Chaotic didn't even remotely describe how wild her emotions went, how scared, how angry. How had it gone from Juhani telling her those words around the console room and offering to help them escape to _this_? How had it gone so terribly wrong?

 

Carth hadn't made it easy. As if losing Bastila wasn't bad enough, Renata- _no Revan_ \- had to stand before her friends, people she cared deeply for and tell them. Tell them the truth about who she really was.

 

Mission had defended her, said all the words she couldn't find to tell them why it didn't matter. Where Mission went, Zaalbar followed. Canderous and HK didn't seem to care who they were fighting with, as long as there was fighting. Jolee claimed he knew all along but wasn't sure he should bring it up. Revan kind of wished he had. T3 was a-okay to no one's surprise. Juhani had...excused herself from the room. It almost made all the vitriol Carth was throwing around seem like a blessing.

 

The moment the others had cleared out she knew that it was best to get it over with. Hopefully she'd at least agree, as Carth had, to remain allies until circumstances changed. It was the most she could hope for after all Juhani had been through.

 

But no. She met her eyes almost warmly. Compassionately. Her words off her lips before Revan could even get her wits about herself.

 

“How...how can you possibly be Revan? The one...the Jedi whose troops saved me on Taris. It was Revan, leading an army out to defeat the Madalorians. It was _you_...”

 

She paused to give Revan a smile.

 

“I knew when I heard you had become the Dark Lord of the Sith that something was wrong with it. The woman who saved me, who I...I have come to _care_ for, could never go completely to the dark side.”

 

It scared her how much of her past she didn't know. How could she make apologies correctly for crimes she didn't even know if she committed?

 

“I regret any of the harm I may have caused.”

 

“It is good to know that you have truly changed. It gives me hope. I do not think now that I will fall to the dark side. I only have to look to you and follow by your example and there is no way I can fail.”

 

Revan sighed. Some example she was, a Dark Lord in sheep's clothing that didn't even know it. At least she had the trust of most of her friends still. At least Juhani seemed to understand that this was far beyond her.

 

“You will do fine, Juhani.” This was the one thing she still knew for certain. She might be a bomb just waiting to explode, but Juhani would be strong. She was so much stronger than she knew.

 

“That is especially meaningful coming from you. I will never forget what you did for me, even if you do not remember it.”

 

Once again she was met with confusion. There was so much about herself that she didn't know, how could she move forward like that? Like a broken droid with only half its memory core. At least HK seemed to have kept his personality, Revan wasn't so sure she'd kept hers.

 

“Thanks, I guess.” She nervously rubbed the back of her head. “I'm not sure if I can accept your gratitude for something I don't even remember doing though.”

 

“Cherish it. Let it be a reminder that the Revan you once were is the same as you now. I do not know what happened during the war with the Mandaloreans that made you and Malak change, who knows what such terrible wars do to the mind of the best of us, but this is who you _are_. There is something about that woman who has touched my life so...so deeply twice in my life. Something that survived through the turmoil and came out _good_. Yes, I know the Jedi played their part, but you have fought against that darkness that once ensnared you. You've helped me fight it. The Force has mysterious ways that can seem so chaotic and confusing, all these threads leading who knows where. But I believe that you've chosen the right thread, _Revan_. It has led you twice across my path and isn't...isn't that a good thing?”

 

Revan felt a single tear trail down her cheek before she could stop it, but she was smiling. Smiling more than she ever expected on a day like this.

 

“Yes, Juhani. It's the most wonderful thing anyone could ask for.”

 

Warm arms encircled her briefly as a gentle kiss was placed atop her head.

 

“I'll get you a glass of Mandalorean wine. I happen to know where Canderous hides his and I've heard it can be quite relaxing.”

 

“I don't know...” Juhani frowned, but Revan continued. “We might fall to the dark side if we go and get drunk.”

 

At her smile, Juhani chuckled. “I think you'll keep me in check.”

 

She shrugged, the weight of the universe now lifted from her shoulders. “I guess we'll find out.”

 

Hours later, Revan was curled up in a bleary pile of Juhani's arms and Mission's legs as the three giggled about anything and everything. It was good to forget the worries that beset them, even if just for one day. They talked about frivolous things like the newest outfits and hairstyles that had been getting popular, made fun of HK's homicidal programming, and let all their problems take a backseat to this moment of harmony and friendship. Jolee came in at one point and shared old stories that made them all laugh even more, and before Revan knew it, everyone from Canderous to Carth had seated themselves in the starboard bunks somewhere and just passed around war stories and tales. They all knew that the moment the Ebon Hawk reached its destination and the final Star Map was in their possession that it would be time again to fight for the causes they believed in, but for this single moment, they had each other.


	5. Chapter 5

_**There is no death, there is the Force.** _

 

“ _I feel the same way, Juhani.”_

 

The words thrummed in her blood, each moment they raced across the Star Forge, her lightsaber slicing through all the Dark Jedi, the fallen that she could have so easily been part of, and the Sith. No matter how dire their circumstances seemed, it was those words that kept her fighting onward.

 

Room after room, corridor after corridor, the endless waves of darkness fell upon them, three lone souls doing their best to make it through. She knew they weren't truly alone, for the other Jedi were trying their best to break through too, the Republic Fleet was ready for a break in Bastila's battle meditation and the rest of the Ebon Hawk's crew held their position in hopes they'd be flying away victorious for one last time.

 

But for those moments when Revan took a hit and it seemed like there wouldn't be enough time in the world to heal her in time, Juhani felt so scared and alone. It was only the strength of her companions that kept her mind ever focused on their goal to stop Malak or die trying.

 

The words between them were brief. Shouts of warning, offers of healing, minimal worded instructions on what to do or where to turn next. There was no time to talk now, but how desperately Juhani hoped for a few precious moments more. _Just a few,_ she begged the Force that was guiding them, _a few moments of pause so I may give my goodbyes so....so I can leave this world in peace._

 

And as if bending the whole universe to slow down a moment for this selfish whim, the Force seemed to oblige her. The next corridor was blissfully empty, even if it was certain to soon be coated in blood.

 

“Revan....Revan...” She reached out her free hand and clutched her robes, her fingers trying to take in every little thing about the texture, the warmth beneath them. These celestial robes made by the Star Forge itself, painting over their wearer in a way that was fit for gods. Hanging her head, she breathed out her words amidst ragged breaths. “I...am not favoring of our chances. Knowledge of the almost certainty of my death...tends to make me introspective.”

 

Her voice wavered and she urged it on, “I only wish that we had had more time together. If only I had spoken up sooner...then we...”

 

“Juhani...”

 

“I know that time is brief and I must make of it what I can. So there is no time to think of what could be, but I must act on the now. I love you. I love you with every fiber of who I am. And if I die tonight, I want it to be at your side knowing that you can go forward and win.”

 

Revan's breath hitched and before she could speak, Juhani moved to stop her. She needed no words now, just one simple kiss, and that would be enough for her to die a peaceful woman.

 

Her lips were raw and cracked and smeared with blood but it made no difference to her. This wonderful person loved her and she would do all that she could to ensure that she survived the night.

 

She pulled away in a motion almost dance-like in its agility, giving Revan one brief smile before turning and barreling head first at the oncoming group of Sith and knocking them all to the floor with her wave of energy. Bastila was close by, they could all feel it, and past her was Malak himself. This wasn't time for Revan to talk but to act, and Juhani knew that no matter what came next she would find peace one way or another.

 

* * *

 

When Revan comes out of the Star Forge, it is Carth and Bastila that await her. Her heart clenches painfully _... Did Juhani not..._

 

She pushes the thought down. It is no time for tears.

 

Briefly telling the two that Malak was not able to be saved, they tell her how close the fleet is to piercing the shield and destroying the Forge for good. When Carth says “the others are already on the ship,” Revan's hopeful he means _all_ of them.

 

They run across the docks, skidding into the Ebon Hawk as Carth yells up the ramp.

 

“Go! We got her, let's go!”

 

The ramp slams closed and the three of them tumble sideways as the ship hastily takes off. For what seems like an eternity the only sounds they can make out are explosions and the sharp turns make it impossible to find their footing. But the moment the ship even remotely levels out, Revan's up, rushing down the corridor and feeling relief wash over her as the tired- _but alive_ \- crew members one by one come into view.

 

“Revan, you did it!”

 

"Huurh wuuh raaaaaahhgh!"

 

“Heh. I knew you had it in you.”

 

“Beep boop beep beep boop.”

 

“Hopeful Statement: please inform me that you destroyed the meatbag, Malak, master.”

 

“Someone get their ass up here and pilot this damn thing!”

 

Each breath seems like a miracle as she takes in the battled crew, but there's someone missing from the group. Her eyes scan around and before she can discern what the blur beside her is, she feels the weight of Juhani's arms surround her.

 

She relaxes into Juhani's hold. “I had dared to hope that what I felt in the Force was true. That you had been spared the jaws of death and returned to me.”

 

Tearful, but smiling wider than she's ever seen, Juhani steps back to look her over as if she is trying to take in the fact that Revan is indeed standing before her. Revan expects that her own expression is much the same.

 

And caring not that they had an audience, she leans down to finally return the kiss that Juhani had given her before; a kiss wholeheartedly returned.

 

Words can wait. They have so many tomorrows to look forward to, after all. But for this moment, surrounded by her friends and held in Juhani's arms, Revan knows that after a lifetime of searching she's finally found home.

 

THE END


End file.
